"Hurtful Words"

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By: Autumn Sisk

Psalm 12:2, “Everyone lies to his neighbor; their flattering lips speak with deception.” (NIV)

They ran up to me and said, “He says he likes you and wants to go out with you!” My face must have looked like I had seen a ghost. I was a quiet, somewhat nerdy tomboy when I was in middle school. I had tried and become more “girlie” my freshman year in high school, but I still wasn’t all that cute or cool. I knew the boy I was crazy about wasn’t interested in me, but the girls I ate lunch with each day wouldn’t leave it alone. They were cheerleaders who were cute, popular and had lots of boyfriends. I had no boyfriends and had a huge crush on one of the cutest football players in school. He was very nice to me, but I knew he wouldn’t date me.

I begged the girls not to say anything to him, but they insisted. When they told me he said he liked me, I was shocked. That was until one of my other friends told me later what really happened. The girls nagged my crush until he finally said he liked me, but only as a friend. He didn’t want to date me. I was so embarrassed and ashamed I wanted to crawl under a rock and never come out!

Why did those girls do that to me? Wasn’t it enough that they were cuter and more popular than me? I didn’t need them embarrassing me to death on top of it. I didn’t want them to say anything to him in the first place, but then they had to lie to me about it!!! I would have been fine if they had just told me the truth. I would have taken that much better.

Unfortunately, this was not my only experience like this in school. In fact, it was very common among the girls I knew. I still see it among women every day.

As a result of my experiences, I try hard not to gossip or talk about others behind their backs. I also try not to stretch the truth in order to keep from hurting another person’s feelings. My motto is: If you can’t say something nice about someone, keep it to yourself. If you can’t be honest to the person, don’t lie about it! The worst thing that I can think of is having someone tell me I look great, and hear later that the person was making fun of me when I walked away. You don’t have to compliment every person you see. If you don’t like Chrissie’s purse, don’t tell her you do just to have something to say!

Christ was very honest with the people He interacted with. He didn’t give backward compliments or say things He didn’t mean just to be nice. He treated everyone with love and respect. We should strive to truly care for others and their feelings. Our words should build up the self-esteem of others. If you learn to be honest but loving, your friendships will be stronger. You will also build trust among your friends.


Heavenly Father, thank you for loving me, just as I am. Help me to love others and teach me to use loving and kind words with everyone. I don’t want to be hurtful or two-faced. Help me to be more like you. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Related Resources:

Being a Girl Who Leads: Becoming a Leader by Following Christ, by Shannon Kubiak Primicerio

Think About It:

Do my friends talk about other friends when they aren’t around? Do I join in?

How can I learn to use loving words at all times?

Live It:

Pray and ask God to show you each time you are talking about others in a way that doesn’t bring Him glory.

Ask your friends to help you cut out the insults and gossip in your everyday life.

Power Verses:

Proverbs 12:22, “The Lord detests lying lips but He delights in men (women) who are truthful.” (NIV)

Proverbs 4:24, “Put away perversity from your mouth, keep corrupt talk from your lips.” (NIV)

© 2009 by Autumn Sisk. All rights reserved.


Tell Us About It:

Have you ever been the subject of gossip? What was that like?

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Blogger Winnie said...

I think this is really well said. Even as an adult, it is easy to fall into not saying the best things about people. Have you ever been in one of the awkward silence moments with someone where the conversation quickly turns to talking about someone else, just to fill the silence. That is where it can get out of control with talking about people; because at least there isn't an awkward silence anymore, know what I mean? Those are the moments where the Lord is calling us to use self-control, and loving kindness. I agree with your post today, it definately gives me something to think about. Take Care.

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