"Dating Characteristics"

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By: Yvonne Mendoza

Galatians 5:22-23, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control...” (NIV)

After I saw my parents’ marriage fail, I had a lot of questions about dating and the person I would marry. I wanted to make sure whoever I dated was a person God would approve of. I didn’t want to second guess him. I wanted to believe that if I married this person he would be with me forever. Because of the pain of divorce, I built a wall towards dating and guarded my heart from being broken by a man again.

Months after the divorce, through counseling, one of my sisters found a checklist on how to find the young man God has waiting for us. Before I share it, I want to emphasize the importance of love. Love is a gift God has allowed us to feel. In order to love anyone we first must love God with our heart, mind, body and soul. This is the most important love which increases as we understand God’s love for us. Two, we must love ourselves for who we are. If you love God but have a hard time accepting yourself, pray for understanding. The more you understand His love for you, the more you’ll see how amazing, precious, and unique you are. Step three: we must love others, even those who have hurt us. This is tricky, but when you have experienced God’s love, that love can break any hurt feelings and allow you to love others freely.

Now for the checklist for a godly young man. Galatians 5:22 states, “…the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” What does this mean exactly? Any Christian guy who carries these fruits is likely a godly man. First, look for someone who loves – God, his family, and others. Also, look for someone who: is joyful and happy even when the day is not as it should have been; carries and makes peace with those around him; is patient and does not easily get angry; is kind to both strangers and those he knows; is filled with good inside and out; has faith that will guide you to a better relationship with God; is gentle with you; and has self-control and would never want to make you feel uncomfortable.

A young man who possesses such qualities is likely a man who fears God. Never be satisfied with only one or two out of the nine qualities because there are godly men who have all of these qualities. Also, don’t be surprised if he loves God more than you because that means he will treasure you and work on your relationship just like he works on his relationship with God. Loving God more than you is actually a good thing.

Of course, this type of young man is searching for a godly young woman, as well, who has these same qualities. Remember to work on all of the qualities now, before even beginning a relationship, because all are needed to make a relationship the best it can be. Since these are the fruits of the Spirit, God will help you grow them in your life. This checklist is something you may use to strengthen other friendships or relationships, as well.


Dear God, thank You for the immense love You have for us. Thank You for giving us the ability to love others as well. Help us Lord to strengthen our relationships with others. Allow us to search for You and Your goodness before anyone else. Help us as godly young women to search for godly men. Thank You for Your patience and goodness. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Related Resources:

Want More Love? by Kathy Wierenga Buchanan

Think About It:

Do you spend more time dating different people or focusing on your relationship with God?

What is your main priority in life?

Live It:

Spend ten minutes in prayer. Ask God to direct you in any relationship and to help you seek Him above everything else.

Power Verses:

Galatians 5:25, “Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.” (NIV)

Matthew 22:37, “Jesus replied, ‘Love the Lord with all your heart and with all you soul and with all your mind.’” (NIV)

© 2010 by Yvonne Mendoza. All rights reserved.


Tell Us About It:

What other things would you add to the checklist when looking for a godly young man?

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